How to piss off a graphic designer

How we can turf those freeloaders (graphic designers) out in easy way? The best thing you can do is to piss them of so that they'll want to give up their jobs forever. We decided to make our contribution so we made a list of things you can to wind graphic designers up while working with them.

Project "just for a try"

Start with "could you do something just for a try that I can become convinced that I like your job?" and add quickly that graphic designer should do it for free of course. I mean, it's ridiculous idea that you have to pay for something that don't find your taste! Besides working for such a prestigious company like yours is only a huge benefit - a designer not only gain some experience but also he/she will have wonderful project for well-known company in their portfolio. If he/she will be sniffy about that, tell them that you're sure that someone else do it for half price. And if you don't want to looking for somebody else, haggle as much as possible.

The right attachment

When you send any files to your graphic designer - no matter it will be a text or pics - make sure it's made with a program from Microsoft Office: older versions of Word or Power Point will be perfect. Don't forget about appriopriate image quality - lower the resolution to 72 dpi so that they'll have to contact you again in this case. They probably ask you for EPS file - in this case don't forget to send exactly the same JPG file but saved in EPS (just open it in the right program and save).

And if you're using e-mail to send documents, forget to attachment once in a while.

Bonus for the downloading all images from Google or sending photos taken with the phone.

Logo has to be big!

make the logo bigger

If you have to send your graphic designer a logo, make sure that it's a extremely small JPG file with really low quality. Again, remember to embed it inside Word! It's a good idea to dowload logo from the current webiste - after all, it looks good on your desktop and they can easily make it bigger in Photoshop (it is them job after all!).

It's been more than enough to annoy them, but if you really want to be successful in lowering the mental stability of a graphic designer, do your best to send a version of the logo over the hard to cut out background - eschew any even backgrounds; they are too easy to remove.

Once the graphic designer is still working on your bitmap logo, finish him/her off! Use magic spell and say "make the logo bigger, please" - it will drive them mad.

It's a little different when you need a custom made logo. In this case make your own sketches -even'd better when it will be drawn by 6-year-old child.

The basic principle of commission to make a logo: never accept the first one! It cost you an arm and a leg so let them do their job. Suggest adding some gradient or change the font to Comic Sans.

Comic Sans like a little black

That's right! The immortal font that is so all-purpose that will be perfect in every project. This topic doesn't need to write much more. The "Comic Sans" technique always works, without exception. The more kinky font, the better. Let your imagination run wild!

"I wanna more WOW"

During the entire process of design use vague instructions that, basically, understand only you. Try to be the least specific you can - vague instrucions means changes that you'll don't like anyways. And when you don't like those changes... then, of course, will be more and more corrections. What you need to do to make designer insane is to use words like ""jazz it up a bit", "it lacks sparkle", or "I like the design, that when I look at it I go: WOW". Every time grpahic designer asks you to clarify, show them impatience because of them lack of understanding.

A wife knows better!

Go ahead and show the project to your parents/dog/friends/child/wife or husband. After all, you rely solely on their opinion, so you should immediately share it with graphic designer. Why discuss designers work with your business partner or director or anyone with authority and enough knowledge within your company, if your wife has a good taste? The room she decorated last summer is so classy! Surely she can advise you also in this case.

"Why there's so much white space?"

Graphic designers always leaves white space everywhere. But this piece of the white area is completely unnecessary - it's just a waste of space! Ask designer to put something in that expanse. Chaos and countless number of elements is what graphic designers like the most... but removed from the project.

Probably they will tell you that they do this because it's easier to read in this way. But do not believe those lies! The reason they do it is simple - more white means larger project, and hence it cost you more in a printing office.

Ask for various pics and fonts (remember about the bonus for Comic Sans). More is better. If you don't know how to send them, refer to second point.

Extra points: choose as many colors as you like - they will suggest to stay with 2-3 main colors, but no! Don't let them convince you.

ASAP

Remember that graphic designers have no soul! Fight with them with "yesterday project". Tell them that you need this ASAP (in this way you make the graphic designer to do it at night), but take your time. There is no rush. And you've got your hands full, you're always busy, you can't respond to his/her all emails and you can't lead him/her by the hand like a little baby.

Nail in the coffin

It's time to finish them! After the above torture graphic designer will be so resigned that he/she would do whatever you want. At this stage, if you want to 6 different types of fonts which will be delightfully shimmer on gold, then you will have them. But don't forget the goal: he/she has to quit this business. Throw the final punch and ask graphic designer for advice. After all, he/she is a specialist, not you, so he/she can eventually say what he/she thinks.

And when you making a final decision on all fonts types, colors, images etc, when the graphic designer will be thinking that this is the end, tell them that SOMETHING is wrong. Add that you are disappointed by them lack of creativity and you have an impression that you could do it better in 5 minutes. Besides you were expecting more output and advices about desing from them. You can disarmingly add "but the previous version was better".

You can be sure that after all that graphic designer will be sick and tried of their work. And there you go - you'll win this diffcult bout.

Please be advised that this article is satirical and no graphic designer was harmed in the writing of this text.

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